Weakened States
by mercutio-rane
Summary: Severus Snape isn't exactly known for his kindness, and Remus Lupin is too proud for handouts. In the wake of a particularly bad full moon, our favorite odd couple have a chat. A one-shot. (not slash - unless you look really hard ;)


_A friend of mine requested a story for her birthday in which Remus and Snape "make nice" over the Shrieking Shack incident years ago. Well, here it is, Marta! I don't know if my concept of "making nice" is the same as yours. (In fact, I know it's not, you gutter head! LOL- Feliz cumpleanos! Mi amiga por siempre)_

_Hope you all enjoy it!_

_Rated PG-13 for a bit of graphic language. No slash. _

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_"Perhaps it may be that my mind is wrought  
To a fever by the moonbeam that hangs o'er,  
But I will half believe that wild light fraught  
With more of sovereignty than ancient lore." _

_from "In Youth Have I Known One" by Edgar Alan Poe_

**"Weakened States" **

Dumbledore's head appeared in Severus Snape's fireplace in the dead of night and relayed clipped instructions for him to help Kingsley Shacklebolt return Remus Lupin to Grimmauld Place after his full moon transformation. _No whys or wherefores… No specifics whatsoever._ Snape grumbled in the message's wake as he struggled into his robes and grabbed his wand. _Out of bed in the middle of the night because of Lupin_….He seethed with resentment.

Shacklebolt shared more specifics than Dumbledore did. Apparently, the headmaster found Remus just a portkey away from headquarters after he had disappeared early in the night, forgoing the plan everyone had agreed upon for him to wait out his transformation in Number 12 Grimmauld Place's secure basement.

And now, Kingsley and Severus sat huddled in the corner of the abandoned barn Remus had obviously preferred and watched him shudder and spasm with the moon's recession, his human form painfully struggling to resettle on a scathed body.

Seconds droned on, unbearable in their taut elongation.

Lupin's strangled screams made their stomachs clench and hair stand on end. And an old wound ate at Snape - the pure and unadulterated fear he felt the first time he saw this thing Lupin became. But that was years ago. Snape tightened the grip on his wand and swallowed.

Kingsley attempted to move forward but Snape stopped him by the shoulder.

"Not until I say. He's dangerous until the transformation is fully complete."

In those last horrific moments, wolf and human thrashed together in glimpses, both trying to escape the silver collar Remus wore to keep the wolf in check. It relentlessly seared the wolf's neck and angered him to a new level of violence beyond the normal primal expressions of animalistic bloodlust. It had kept the beast secure but left his human counterpart more black and blue than usual. Snape readily approved.

A normally resolute Shacklebolt; however, turned his head and shuddered as Lupin finally lay flat on the soft dirt floor, staggering just a few inches before falling back down, writhing and clawing weakly at his face with a low moan .

They cautiously approached and Snape saw that Lupin had spelled the restraint to retain the contours of his neck. Wise for security but hardly user-friendly. Snape only managed to remove the tight metal leash with a _bombardo_ spell that shattered it.

"Cor, this is bloody awful….Remus, mate, we'll get you home." Kingsley's voice had a quiver Severus had never heard, as he wrapped a robe around Lupin and picked him up for their return to the portkey.

When they entered Grimmauld, the entire household stood sullen and scattered around the portico then moved forward, looking anxiously at Remus then at Kingsley and Snape to gauge how bad the werewolf's condition really was.

Two healers called in from St. Mungo's followed Shacklebot and Remus up the stairs. Severus watched them head around the corner then turned to find, at the end of the hall, a dark, wiry figure heading towards him with precision and purpose.

Sirius breached the distance faster than expected and, with his eyes practically on fire, belted Severus across the jaw before Arthur Weasley and the twins pulled him off and held him back with great difficulty. From his floorside view, Snape saw Harry standing immobile in the corner, looking stunned and subdued.

"You fucking bastard! You could have given him the wolfsbane, you sadist! He wouldn't have left if he had it! If he dies, I will take it out of your FUCKING HIDE! Do you hear me! You fucking useless BASTARD!"

Snape bit a comeback and managed to stand and walk past them all with his jaw set in defiance, a trickle of blood running down the center of his chin. _Walk away from this…Check in with Dumbledore_…He found the sitting room fireplace as Sirius' biting epithets echoed and remained, muffled, even after he closed the door.

Snape spoke with Dumbledore and didn't register the least bit of surprise when the headmaster requested him to make the potion for Lupin once more. Not requested….ORDERED. Slaving away his off duty hours to concoct Lupin's happy puppy potion? _Freaking Lupin…_ And making the wolfsbane as an order leeched the taunting power out of the provision. In a way, it gave Lupin the upper hand in the matter. And that was no fun at all.

He rubbed his jaw and looked towards the hallway where muffled voices and footfalls continued to rise and ebb outside the sitting room. Part of him understood Black's anger. And part of him HAD wanted to continue making wolfsbane for the former DADA professor after his departure, if only to wield control over him in some palpable way. But Remus had never enquired. And why would he? _Why didn't he?... _Part of him did wonder why...He couldn't chalk it up to simple pride. It made too big of a difference in the man's life.

Shacklebot and the two healers (both members of the order and trustworthy) left at morning's strong light, then most of the house bedded down for small daytime naps after a night of pacing and fretting over Lupin's whereabouts. But Snape still had to relay Dumbledore's orders to Lupin before returning to Hogwarts for a day of meetings about the upcoming school year. Looking at his watch, he realized that he'd be at least an hour late. _Up half the night and late for meetings because of him…If he's conscious, I'll knock him out…_

After dealing with Molly and her good intentions then finding the proper room, Snape loudly pulled up a chair to Lupin's bedside and studied the immobile werewolf. A quilt draped low around his prominent ribs, and a shadow fell in the noticeable recess between his collar bones and the stretched muscles below. His cheekbones stood out painfully. One black eye had swollen shut, and the healers had smeared magical salve over a cacophony of angry gashes that littered his frame. Lupin looked like a starving man someone had beaten to death. In fact, he lay so still, for a moment Snape wondered if he had died.

Apparently, last year's transformations had not gone as smoothly as they did when Snape provided him with potion. He looked for a stab of satisfaction within himself and was surprised to find none.

"Lupin," Snape deadpanned quietly. When Remus didn't move, Snape looked up at the ceiling impatiently. "Lupin!" he repeated and pushed his shoulder lightly with one finger.

Remus' eyes opened a sliver and without moving his head, he traced the view in front of him to find Snape. It had to be Snape - black swathed figure, face pale against midnight fabric and hair.

"Severus," he whispered tiredly.

Snape placed a bowl on the bed within easy reach, and Remus felt heat emanate off of it, barely discerned the steamy tendrils pulling away from the food. It would have smelled appetizing on a better day.

"Molly WEASLEY," Snape drawled, "asked me to try and get you to eat this if you were awake."

Remus pulled one arm from under the covers and lay it listlessly in front of him. But  
after a long silence, he blinked and shook his head no. Snape immediately set the bowl down on the nightstand with a clank.

"Good, because I have no interest whatsoever in handfeeding you and you don't look like you can handle it yourself."

"What do you need?"

"I'm here to discuss your needs, not vice versa. I've been ordered by Dumbledore to make wolfsbane for you. You are to stay in the Grimmauld basement for your transformations from herein, with a scent and sound spell on the hatches and your DOG for company."

Remus opened his eyes a bit wider and appeared to regain consciousness. He shook his head weakly but adamantly.

"No."

"No?" Snape drew the one syllable response out, curling around it.

"I appreciate your willingness to fulfill orders, but no."

"Specifically, Lupin, what part of Dumbledore's orders are you refusing? My making the wolfsbane for you or your staying at Grimmauld Place during transformations?"

"Both."

Severus regarded him quietly then realized Remus would nod off again if he didn't keep the conversation going.

"Not that I'm truly curious, Lupin, but may I ask what is going on in your wolfish, demented mind at this moment?"

Remus touched his swollen eye and seemed to carefully organize this thoughts before speaking with a clarity Snape found surprising, given his condition.

"I'm no longer an issue of Hogwarts' safety, Severus. You shouldn't have to make the wolfsbane if you don't want to. And I shouldn't have to stay at Grimmauld if I'm concerned about the safety of its occupants. So you do not have to make wolfsbane for me, and I have no plans on staying here during full moons."

"And where exactly will you go? It appears that another night in the barn with a silver latch around your neck will put your other foot in the grave….along with the one that's there as we speak."

Remus breathed in and winced then turned a bit in the bed to face Snape.

"I've found a potions master at Diagon Alley who thinks he can produce it by next full moon. I……have plans to use the shrieking shack once again and have redone most of its security spells. But not all of them. That's why I chose the barn for this moon. Once the shack is safe again, I'll have no worries about escaping and can remain there to recover, as well. I've stocked it with medical supplies and….restraints if I feel like the wolfsbane is lacking."

Snape's mind raced to find Lupin's true intentions and decided upon the most prevalent issue between himself and the rest of The Order – trust. He crossed his arms stiffly and leaned back in the chair, black eyes pulsing with a low anger.

"I see…..Seems pointless to continue that plan when you could stay here safely. Have the wolfsbane made for you free of charge. Keep your mind…… I have to assume that if you trusted my ability…or more fittingly, my INCLINATION to provide you with a safe product away from school, you'd be willing to stay here. But you DON'T trust me, do you Lupin….so you decline both parts of Dumbledore's orders. Why lie? There's no love loss between us. …. It's a bit underhanded, even for you."

"Severus, it has nothing at all to do with trust." Remus shifted carefully on the bed, obviously exhausted and not up to the argument he saw beginning to form between himself and the professor. "You're a brilliant potions master. And a member of The Order. But despite whether you were ordered to make the wolfsbane or not, you don't WANT to provide it. And that supersedes whether I would stay here if you did."

"Trust isn't the issue? Then what is it, pray tell?"

Remus continued without a hint of self-pity.

"Severus, I am finished being an inconvenience to anyone. At Hogwarts, I accepted your wolfsbane out of a concern for the children's safety. But I am no longer a teacher, and it is my concern now to ensure that no one suffers injuries because of my Lycanthropy. We're acquaintances . We go back a long way, but we've always been closer to enemies than friends."

"I'm not the one responsible for any such sentiment, but it obviously exists."

Remus gauged Snape for a moment , studying him as one might peruse a distant object too far away to identify.

"Severus, you've never believed how much I regret what happened that night at the shrieking shack all those years ago. You can't understand….. Quite simply, it has never left me. At a very base level, the fear and dread I felt that morning is one of the reasons why I left Hogwarts. And it's the main reason why I won't stay here during transformations."

"Don't chalk up your Hogwarts departure to self-martyrdom!" Snape spat with a sudden rage. "We both know you resigned, because I exposed your dirty little secret. My only regret is that I didn't do so the minute you arrived on our doorstep."

Remus closed his eyes and swallowed with difficulty. Long ago, he resigned himself to the sad fate of never breaking Snape's deep-seated resentment. Still, there were things that he needed to say.

"You're not the reason I resigned, Severus, you just made my leaving more…humiliating. I don't begrudge you that. I'm sure you owed me at least one humiliating moment, perhaps more. No harm done. Just parts of my life coming back to haunt me is all……And for all the times I have ever owed you a kind word or a moment of intervention and did not provide it…..I apologize……Despite the fact that I will not be requiring your services, I'm glad that you're with The Order and appreciate your being here this morning. I know Kingsley felt better with you there…….Thank you for coming in to talk to me about Dumbledore's orders. I will speak with him, and he can hold me accountable for not following them…..Now, if you'll please excuse me, I really have to rest…….I can't do this now….talk anymore…"

Snape sat in the chair for several minutes after Lupin had closed his eyes. He wasn't sure what he needed to do, but he couldn't leave. Not yet…

Finally, he broke the silence, with a louder voice than necessary.

"Let me summarize." Lupin convulsed with a start and looked up at the ceiling, wondering how much more he could take.

"I thought you left. Severus, just let me sleep."

"Because you don't want the wolfsbane created by force and you don't want people in the edifice where you transform, you've chosen to suffer the consequences of an inferior product and environment, possibly to your own demise, is this correct?"

"It wasn't right for Dumbledore to ask you…"

"Are you aware that markedly inferior wolfsbane is worse than none at all? Not that you've had other formulas for comparison, but I should warn you, Lupin,"

"We'll see. If I'm in the shrieking shack, the wolfsbane won't make much difference, safety wise."

"For the safety of others perhaps, but the quality of the wolfsbane makes an enormous difference to your own safety."

"Yes."

"And the wolfsbane eases the pain of transformation, does it not?"

"It takes the edge off."

"And, obviously, it will lessen the residual injuries that you have to deal with in the wake of having a feral mind."

"……Always."

Remus moved his jaw carefully to test for soreness then suddenly seemed to notice the large black welt running down Snape's jaw."

"What happened to your face?"

"Who is this potions master you've found?

Remus eyed him curiously. "Severus, how did you get that bruise?"

"What is the potion master's name?"

"Did I do that? In the barn?"

"NO, Lupin! Just answer the question! The name of the potions master."

"Kendrick Spurlock."

"Spurlock! Merlin…." Snape gave him a look of pure exasperation. "The man couldn't make sweetened tea properly if his life depended on it."

Remus' face said he took Snape's words to heart, but he put aside his depression to deal with later. "I'll think about this tomorrow, Severus….I need to rest. I really am bad off at the moment."

"I would have never guessed."

Remus managed a smile and rolled over, away from Snape, with some difficulty.

Snape slumped in the chair, lost in thought. He didn't want to like Remus. In truth, the werewolf's self-martyrdom made him sick to his stomach. But another part of him could see Lupin's actions as something else. Independence perhaps. And Snape could readily understand the desire to feel indebted to no one.

In the wake of his "enslavement" to Voldemort, Snape had discovered arising from the ashes of that single-minded servitude a stronger belief in himself, not only as a wizard but as a person. From a very young age, people had drilled into him his unworthiness - as a son, a wizard, a student, and a compatriot; and the onslaught had created a very bitter adult. He didn't deny it. As a young man, yes, he ran to the foot of dark power – a dark power that valued him like none other, mind you - but he learned the error of his ways and now stood for nothing but a firm grounded belief that children should be taught, certain crimes should be punished, and that he, in his own way, would have to atone for his mistakes. And so, to keep sane, he had to believe in his own humanity, just as Remus did. And for both of them, maintaining that belief required a carefully cultivated structure. A structure that others could not fathom unless they had suffered to the extent both he and Remus had. It was a…comforting thought somehow.

Snape crossed his legs and brushed dust off his pants' leg decisively.

"Lupin….would you stay at Grimmauld if I made the wolfsbane for you by choice?"

Remus slowly turned back to face Snape and looked mildly confused.

"It's in The Order's best interest for you to have it done properly, and seeing that I'm a member of The Order, your well-being directly affects me, as well."

"……….Is this a moment of weakness, Severus?"

"In light of the way you've treated me in the past, Lupin, I'd say a moment of strength. If you can't accept my offer without making snide comments, I can easily withdraw it."

Suddenly, the door cracked open a bit and Nymphadora Tonks peaked inside.

"I'm sorry, Professor Snape. I didn't realize you were here. I….I came to check on Remus."

"He's fine. One moment, if you will. I'll be leaving shortly…Then you can tend to him."

Snape turned back and saw a glimmer in Lupin's eye as he watched the woman disappear from the door. Poor deluded Lupin had a family and he didn't even know it. On a very puerile level, it made him jealous. Snape knew he could disappear tomorrow, and no one would give a sickle's worth of time to worry about HIS welfare. Not that he would trade lives with Lupin, who had more hardship than the average wizard and less of a future than most.

"I suppose you've never stopped to consider other residual benefits of following these orders, such as sparing the entire house from worrying about you through the night. Not to mention having me, among others, rousted at 4:00 am to aid in your retrieval and post-transformation care. If you'd take a moment to consider these things, you'd realize it was a cause of great convenience to quite a few people…"

Remus looked slightly shell-shocked.

"People were upset last night when I was…out?"

"To put it mildly."

Snape closed his eyes and sighed heavily in consternation. For an extremely intelligent man, Lupin could be as thick as a castle moat was wide.

"Do try to get a broader grip on reality, Lupin."

"No, it's just….I never considered that people would worry."

"Never considered that your love for these people is reciprocated?"

Remus didn't answer. He brow furrowed slightly in the wake of this small revelation.

"So….Have we reached an understanding? Dumbledore's orders will be fulfilled not because either one of us has to do them, but because we want to do them? And I will make your wolfsbane, not this Spurlock fellow…because I choose to do so. And you will stay here for your transformations with the stipulations of the scent and sound spells and your teddy dog for companionship."

"My teddy dog…." Remus looked more than mildly amused then lost his smile and fixed Severus with a serious look.

"You don't have to tell me, Severus, but…I would like to know why."

Snape hesitated for a moment and looked away. "I saw your re-transformation this morning, you know. As did Shacklebolt. You were still in wolf form when we arrived."

Remus didn't have the strength to feel irritated by the confession.

"You're one of the unfortunate few, then."

"Lycanthropy….the personal observance of the symptoms is worse than the literature entails.….."

"Considering most scientists who study werewolves also think we should be incarcerated for life or branded with registry numbers, I'm not surprised."

Snape dipped his head, readily admitting the biased nature of Lycanthropic research.

"Do you trust my wolfsbane to keep you tame?"

"Yes….of course, I do. I never doubted it….I just wondered why you….came to this decision."

"Is it so hard to believe that despite our past differences, I would rather see you healthy than ill?"

They sat for a long moment, neither completely meeting each other's eyes. When Snape got up and made to leave, Remus struggled to sit up and reached carefully for Snape, who felt the long, warm fingers of the werewolf curl around his and squeeze. The unfamiliarity of human touch made him freeze. Remus looked down at their clasped hands and back up at the potions master.

"Thank you, Severus, for your….." Remus searched carefully for the appropriate word. "Your friendship."

Snape fought a rising sneer in his twitching lip and won. "Would you call it that?"

Remus let go of his hand and considered Severus with light affection. "I think so…if you'd like to call it that, as well."

When Snape nodded in agreement, Remus leaned back heavily into the bed.

"Go to sleep," Snape said quietly and put a heating spell on the bowl of stew that still sat untouched on the nightstand.

Remus blinked only once before descending into a deep reprieve of rest, his breathing becoming heavy and even as Snape returned the chair to its former place. Against his better judgment, he covered the werewolf carefully with the blankets and brushed a strand of slightly damp hair out of this eyes.

Part of him hated to admit to it, but it would be…..nice….to make the wolfsbane…for a friend.

**el fin  
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_author's note: please review:)_


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